I have been wanting to blog for some time now and especially since I have my own facebook fitness page I thought it would probably be a good idea if ya'll got to know me on my writing level as well. Not only that but I have been wanting to tell my story as well. Unfortunately we do not have internet access on laptops at home as of yet but hopefully soon!
Anyways, I am 30 years old, my birthday is December 5th so almost 31! Unreal! I can't believe I am that old!! I started working out my senior year of high school which was 2002! Oh how long ago it was! I was never fat or overweight but I always a little bit chubbier than the rest. I never saw myself as someone who is pretty or beautiful and I often found myself jealous of most girls in my high school. I was socially awkward, I went through this wanna-be-skater-but-don't-know-how-to-skateboard-so-I-will-just-dress-like-I-do. So, when I was a senior I set out to lose a bunch of weight. I was successful by eating my meals more frequently throughout the day, smaller meals and using a Denise Austin workout tape everyday after school. I remember my mom taking messages for me when my friends (which I didn't have many) called to chat. She would tell them I was working out and I would call back. Unfortunately I did not keep up the working out, I graduated high school, I started drinking a lot and didn't really give a shit about eating healthy all I was concerned about was having a good time with friends. It seemed to me know as I look back that I became more confident with my weight loss. So fast forward to about 2006 and I started to get back into it again but this time I started working out at a gym and lifting weights. I started reading more fitness magazines, going on the internet to research and I fell in love. In college I took a lot of Criminal Justice classes and wanted to be a NYS Trooper so I signed up to take the test in 2008 but realized I needed to get my ass into shape. How was I going to run a mile when in high school I always took an "unprepared" or do pushups when I haven't done one in decades??!! I started doing crossfit, and I became in really good shape. I was feeling and looking great! I took the written test but I never got called to do the physical portion but I didn't give up. While training I had someone in the gym I worked out at ask me if I ever thought of becoming a personal trainer, I was thrilled that someone recognized my hard work and took the opportunity! Once I became certified, since I started out just helping people, I had a blast! It was so much fun and I took it very seriously!! I started training just women but soon ended up changing gyms and was training both men and women doing a lot of different things from muscle building to weight loss. This is where I believe it all started for me, not only the good part of being healthy and strong but the weaker side of me falling into bad habits and patterns of eating disorder behaviors.
I started reading more on clean eating and saw a lot of pictures of girls competing in competitions. In 2011, I set out to do my first bikini competition and it was one of the hardest things I ever did. I felt like before I started I was having trouble staying focused, I was binging a lot because I was trying to eat clean but missing out on treats and I could only go so long before wanting them and would end up eating everything in site!! It was terrible, I was in this awful cycle of eating "clean" getting cravings, binging and then working out for hours to burn off all of the extra calories I ate, then under eating to try and get back on track and doing it over and over again. I had a boyfriend during my prep but he ended up dumping me over the phone a week before the competition which gave me yet another excuse to not follow my coaches orders. I placed 6/7 girls and although I did not give my best I still felt accomplished. Post competition was very tough and I gained a lot of weight back and eventually I realized I needed to do something so I tried to prep again for another competition. This time it was 10x harder and I was going through frequent phases of following my plan to completely being off of my plan and binging. Eventually I realized I needed help. I was in Grad school at the time and so I used my schools resources and went to the Psychological Center, they gave me a few really long multiple choice tests and in the end I was diagnosed with Bulimia Nervosa non purging type. What this meant is that I binged on food but instead of puking it up I would compensate like I discussed earlier by over exercising and under eating. Therapy was 2x a week and it was so good for me. We did CBT which is Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. In this type of therapy you discuss what types of thoughts the individual has and the behaviors as a reaction to those thoughts. The goal is to change the thought process in order to change the related behaviors and so that once you think and behave differently you can alleviate but never completely get rid of the problem. It was great to have someone to talk to and help me and eventually I got to the point where I was doing 1x per week and even trying to prep for another competition. I really felt like I was ready but then I found out towards the beginning of December that I was pregnant!!!
I couldn't believe it, obviously unplanned I was very scared but it turned out to be the best thing that ever happened to me. At this point it was no longer about me anymore, there was someone in my life that was more important and the decisions I had to make were decisions I needed to make sure she was born happy and healthy! I did just that! She was perfect! Born August 12, 2013! Pre pregnancy I was 158, at my highest I was around 192 and fast forward to today I am about 135!
So now everything is for her, she is my motivation and reasoning for wanting to stay healthy and happy and do everything in a way in which I can show Aubrey not to be obsessive. My goal is to compete in the fall of 2015 and so I wanted to create this new fitness page!! I hope you follow along but I must go now because Aubrey needs me! I will try to blog as much as I can but it is very difficult without the internet and having a baby. She is my world and comes first!!!
